You started imagining that our love is tracing a downward curve,
Passing each day with perpetual temper,
Throwing furrowed brows at strangers,
Stomping inflated boxes,
Indulging in cigars, alcohol,
And here I’m driving all by myself,
To our most loved cafe,
Ordering your favourite foods,
Eating at our spot – Alone,
Lost in thoughts,
Wishing you would Show up,
With messy hair, drunken eyes,
And confess your love,
Luv, it’s been weeks, I’m scared. Where are you? I know I broke us and walked away. I ain’t strong like I thought I was. I’m isolating myself, staring at the screen, waiting for your text to pop up. But no, I receive nothing. I’m tired of holding the mobile. Nights are the hardest, All those stupid memories cloud my brain and leave me in tears. I bury myself in the pillow to quiet my violent cries. It’s all dark, I feel nauseous and there are this constant ache and pain in the chest. I feel difficult to breathe. Can you rescue me? If that’s all possible? I’m stupid, I broke us. I’m sorry. I never imagined that our love would take up this path. Every day I used to wake up to your texts, now it’s all done. Every song I hear pulls that string inside and before I know, there’s this pool of tears. Dining with my parents is another catastrophe, I feel hard to chew the food, I don’t even have an idea of what I’m eating. My mum could sense my pain, but she never asks and never forces too. Thank god for that, I ain’t in a condition to form words. I’m all dried up, parched. Scrolling through the selfies that we clicked with weird faces, I cry tons. I took myself out, but the city reminds too much of us. I came back running to my room and vowed to never leave my dungeon. Did you forget me? Is your life fine and fixed? Baby, just tell me you have moved on. And I will try to fix me.
I don’t think time heals the pain, it’s just punched into the deepest vault of our heart and sealed. And we are all forced to rearrange our priorities to become functional yet again.
Did anyone make solid plans? Like figuring out life? Working on your passion? instead slept 10 hours straight and woke up more tired hating life all over again? Well, you’re not the only one. You know what makes your Monday joyful? Working on yourself through Weekends. I understand that we all work for 5 days in a week and our battery hits that annoying little red mark and die eventually. Don’t we deserve some break? A little ‘ME’ time maybe? Of course we all do. You can sleep 20 hours straight but don’t expect your dreams to work. Embrace Normalcy. Don’t ever GOD DAMN think about going places. You’re going to stay where you are, the same apartment without any cool furniture, wardrobe with faded stickers with remains of black glue marks, Crooked frames and plastic chairs. Your home will have the same conventional lock system, not that Sci-fi wala Security systems that you once dreamt of installing on your door, definitely not the gates with sensors. (okay funny, I don’t own a mansion yet)
Does it hurt to hear the truth? Sure, it does. I’m not writing this to you, I’m writing this for myself. Even I gotta get up from my bed and chase the dreams. You know what, we are working for a boss who is trying life, out of his/her comfort zone CONSISTENTLY for decades together. Always have a Dream, Chase it. Surround yourself with the people who talks about your dreams, never the one who belittles every aspect of you. The day has just started, go get it together, RUN Figure out the missing pieces. Hey also don’t be DAMN Serious. Laugh more and Embrace Life.
P.S. I’m Working on my dreams too. Good Luck with yours, Luv.